if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
