Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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