dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
