Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
