She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
