I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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