Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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