Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
