dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
