He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
