Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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