If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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