i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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