How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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