let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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