Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
