I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
