please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
