Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
