final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
