I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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