Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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