Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
