im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
