3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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