I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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