is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize