is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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