Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
