How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
