omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think my vagina is haunted
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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