I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
