There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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