We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
