my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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