I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
