Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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