Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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