Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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