I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
