so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
