i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
