dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
