Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
