i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
