Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
