Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
