I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
