I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
