How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
