and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
