I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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