you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
