I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
