oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
