I think im going to throw up on grandma
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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