I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
