I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
