They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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