As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's always time for handjobs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
