I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
