dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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