My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
