What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
