so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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