I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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