yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
