i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
