I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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