I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
