they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
