it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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